The Worst Disease Ever – Letter 7

Dr. Chiribada,

Your plan of stealing the Fonz’s jacket, albeit basically impossible to actually pull off, sounds as legitimate of a cure as any of the other ridiculous things you’ve made me do so far. I really wish there was an alternative like, I don’t know, a pill or surgery or exposing myself to extreme amounts of radiation. Are you sure this is my only chance for a cure?

If it comes down to it, I guess I’ll have to try, but I know my wife won’t be too excited about the larceny. I did my best this week to drop subtle hints about it like, “You know what would be cool? Stealing a very expensive piece of television history.” She’d laugh it off and call me douche bag just like all those times I dropped subtle hints about having a threesome. I don’t think she’ll ever understand, Bill. Maybe I should end things before things get REALLY messy, like, messier than me leaving down all over the bathroom sink when I shave or freaking out when she was cooking eggs for breakfast. Maybe she’s not the right gal for me.

You know who is an awesome gal?! Penelope Pogwater. She’d probably like stealing expensive memorabilia out of a museum just as much as she likes sleeping with bird-dudes. Which is, to say, quite a bit. I know you keep telling me to break it off, but its SOO HAAAAAAAAARD BECAUSE SHE’S SOOOOOOO IN TO ME! It’s been so long since someone thought I was really cool. Not since that time I beat Mega Man 2 in front of my 7 year old cousin. I was king of the world back then, Willy. KING I TELLS YA!

 Tweet-Dee Tweedle Dee Dee. Flee Do Dee Do Twee Do Dee. Twee Deet dee dee dee Tweet de tweedle do dee deet.

 Whoa, that was weird. It just kinda came out. Help…


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