The Worst Disease Ever – Letter 10


I admire your deduction that “if Fonzie did it, it must be ok.” This is very true, which is why I approve of your theory. If you can smuggle Fonzie’s jacket out of the Smithsonian, you will probably have the world at your fingertips. My guess is that ladies left and right will be flocking towards you to turn on their Jukebox of Love. Not only because you’ll have Fonzie’s jacket on, but because wearing the jacket will have made your feathers explode off of you (so you’ll no longer be a freakish birdman).

However, I am a firm believer that Arthur Fonzerelli would have never manipulated two women by lying about the amount of ladies he was seeing. These women all knew that they had to share The Fonz, because he was just too much man for one single person. It’s like ordering a pizza: if you get a whole pie, you better be sharing it. If you get a date with Fonzie, you know he’ll be necking with another dame same time tomorrow.

With that said, it is important that you be honest with your wife. If the jacket begins to change your persona in some alien symbiote fashion (a la Spider Man), and you begin to parade around with dozens of women at a time, you have to tell your wife everything.

I mean, she’d be a FOOL to leave her husband who now has increased his sex appeal 10 million fold with the deduction of feathers and the addition of the most prized possession amongst all Happy Days memorabilia. However, stranger things have happened.

So my only suggestion is to remember to be honest to your wife, and steal the damn jacket already before you fully become a bird!!! By my count, if you don’t do it soon, you only have a few more weeks until you gain a beak. And when that happens, all hope is lost.

Godspeed, Steve.

– Dr. William Chiribada III

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