The Open Road – Letter 4

Mr. Miller,

Trucking is so easy! Eddie was telling me about all these rules that truckers have to follow like you can’t drive for more than 14 hours. Pssh, that’s it? My friends and I have played Halo for WAY longer than that. Just give me a couple cans of Mountain Dew and I could be the greatest truck driver in the world! Sure, I haven’t done any driving per se, but I’ve watched Eddie long enough to know the basics: Press your feet down, jiggle the Slammy-Rod till you go fast, and look like the most miserable man on earth (Eddie does this step perfectly). I’m sure that I’ll be a natural in no time.

Last night we checked into a hotel in Witchita, Kansas and we couldn’t find any good arcades so Eddie decided that we were going to stay in and watch Roadgames, which is some movie about trucking. Is this the only thing that Eddie thinks about? I mean, it’s great that he loves his career and all but why doesn’t he relax with something a bit more light-hearted? Maybe a flick whose main theme is the power of friendship between two heterosexual males. Rush Hour is the first film that comes to mind.

The only two things that kept me from throwing a full-fledged temper tantrum were the mom from Freaky Friday being in it and the very vague hint of this being a light-hearted buddy flick. I mean, there were two people who spent a decent amount of time together and some of the time they were smiling but THAT’S IT! BOOOORIIIIIING.

Eddie and I are a good team, Mr. Miller, don’t get me wrong. We just come from two different worlds so it’s tough for us to see eye-to-eye. I’m Jackie Chan and he’s the blue collar, wise-crackin’ Chris Tucker type. In the end all of our trials and tribulations will bring us closer until we become BEST FRIENDS!

That’s why I’m taking us on a detour.

I’ll write you soon.


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