The Open Road – Letter 11

Mr. Miller,

Well, Danny and I decided that we had to go with Plan B: sneak into the studio and replace the shooting scripts with the buddy comedy we wrote based on our strange and humorous adventure(s) in trucking. Danny figured that we’d be allowed in if we dressed like celebrities. I told him that these are powerful stars and executives, and how those guys work so little that the studio would probably be dead by the evening. So, I geared myself up in all black (including a ski-mask), Danny cloaked himself by dressing like Orlando Bloom in Lord of the Rings (I still don’t get him), and I got us in thanks to the ring of keys I received after landing that Security Guard gig at the studio.

But, as I’ve said before, I don’t know a damn thing about the way movies are made in Hollywood. And, apparently, it’s not a 9-5 situation like I thought.

So, instead of walking onto an empty set, we broke in at 8pm and bumped right into a director who was shooting a new romantic comedy. When he saw us both decked out in “ridiculous costumes,” as he called them, he thought it was “a great artistic choice” and told us to “get on set.”

Danny and I shot a scene where we showed up as dinner party guests in our ridiculous getup. And, they even suggested we adlib dialogue and just roll with it. Naturally, my character was a trucker who discuss the hardships of life on the road. Danny’s character was a nerd who loves archery, and wants to be a trucker but knows jack-shit about it.

Overall, the shoot went great. Afterward someone on the set said “excellent performance, Mr. Reynolds.” Danny clued me in that, thanks to my mustache, they probably think I am THE Burt Reynolds. Any chance I get to act like my role model, the main man from Smokey and the Bandit — the number one trucking movie of all time — is fine by me. So, I kept the lie going.

I then used my fraudulent fame to show the producer and the director our script for trucKING Royalty. They told “Burt Reynolds” that they’d have it read by the morning, and seemed very excited about the idea.

I always thought of myself as a trucker first, a man second, and a mustachioed bacon lover third. I never once thought of myself as a Hollywood actor. But, let me tell you something, if acting’s anything like walking onto a set, being mistaken for Burt Reynolds, and “improvising” by talking about the one thing you know, I think I’m gonna be damn good it.

We’ll let you know how it all goes down after our meeting with the producers tomorrow afternoon.

– Eddie

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