The Open Road – Letter 14

Mr. Miller,

Good news! We’ve officially wrapped shooting for our cinema masterpiece,  trucKING Royalty! Earlier today, we completed the heart-warming ending when the audience thinks that I get shot in the heart by the crazy bad guy (played by Seth Green). Just after Eddie kills Seth, he runs over to me and cries out, “Curse you, bad guy, and curse this wild and reckless trucking lifestyle! Trucking killed my Danny… MY FRIEND!” It’s extremely touching and probably Oscar worthy. Then, as Eddie begins to pick me up to take me into the truck, I START COUGHING AND COMING BACK TO LIFE!

Eddie looks at me with astonishment – he saw me get shot in the chest! How could I have possibly survived that? Well, it turns out the bullet hit THE KEYS TO THE TRUCK IN MY FRONT SHIRT POCKET! How is that for a creative and totally-never-used-before plot twist? Trucking didn’t kill his Danny, trucking saved his Danny! I tell Eddie, “Come on, let’s go get some bacon and Natty Ice… on me,” which is a pun because earlier in the movie Eddie punches me and pours beer all over me (a moment of amazing improvisation by Eddie). We then hop into Barbara (obviously played by another truck with way more flame decals) and drive off into the sun set.

I’m pretty positive that we’re guaranteed AT LEAST Best Film if Mr. Scorsese holds his end of the bargain and adds more explosions and gun fights.

Tomorrow’s wrap party should be pretty exciting. I know Eddie is worried that we’ll be black-listed from Hollywood once we reveal our true identities, but I couldn’t imagine anyone being mad. If anything, they would probably appreciate the amount of moxie and acting expertise needed to pretend to be a talented actor for the entire length of a shoot (it worked for the entirety of Ben Affleck’s career – HO! ZING!).

We’ll let you know how the party works out. Tell Dad that Mr. Redford said that his role is “the most challenging yet ultimately most satisfying role he’s ever had the pleasure of portraying.”


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