Political Party Animals – Letter 4

Ms. Markowitz,

I love a good challenge! Too bad this isn’t one of those! BURN!

Do you see what I just did there? I “pwnd” you. Yes, I am learning the language of the American Youth. I am doing this so that I gain their trust and so that they will beg their mommies and daddies to please please please make Rupert Hornsby the president of the Dorland County School District PTA. Then once I have been placed in your current (my future) position, I will obviously make changes. BIG CHANGES!

I will start by having the students take an increasing number of field trips to your wicker basket factories. The children will, no doubt, be moved by the productivity and crave for their little hands to be helping the process. So, we will have a basket making session afterwards. They will fall in love with assembly line work, much like how I did when I was a lad.

You see, Ms. Markowitz, I never intend on forcing any children to work. I believe you have me all wrong. I simply wish to inspire in them the love for constantly working for little to no pay with no benefits and for an unclear ultimate goal that seems to only aid the tycoon at the top of the chain (yo). This is what happened to me as a child, and I wish to inspire in these children the same lust for the 19th century industrialist era.

This is why I sent all the children in the school district polls and survey questions. I have instructed them to send the answers to both myself and to you, Krystine, so that you can read not only the honest questions, but their true desires.

“Catcha latron”!

– Rupert Hornsby

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