Political Party Animals – Letter 5

Mr. Hornsby,

Your attempt at manipulating the youth of Dorland County is absolutely deplorable, but what should I expect from a man who thinks that adding “yo” at the end of a sentence will make him more suitable for the presidency of the PTA. I received the polls you had sent out throughout the school district and they are, although quite clever, one of the most clear-cut examples of ugly politics that I have ever experienced.

Although I have faith in my constituency to not fall for your dastardly attempt to confuse them, I have taken the precaution to write a letter home to all of the families of Dorland County. The letter explains how your poll was meant to not only smear my administration but to put a positive spin on child labor in Dorland’s wicker basket factories. I’ve attached a copy of this letter to show you that you have chosen the wrong person to play dirty politics with.

Dear Parents

It has come to my attention that an opinion poll has recently been distributed throughout the elementary schools of the Dorland County School District. I would like to advise you that these surveys are in no way connected with the DCSD PTA but have in fact been distributed by a man looking to exploit your children’s naivety. Below are a few examples of the questions of the surveys:

  • If given the option, would you rather stay in boring old school or work in a factory where all the cool, older people work?
    A. Stay in boring school because I’m a loser.        B. WORK IN A FACTORY! School is for nerds
  • Wouldn’t you like to go on more field trips to the Dorland Wicker Basket factory or Disney Land?
    A. Yes, I love field trips.        B. Yes, I love Disney Land.        C. No,  I have cooties
  • Did you know that HITLER went to school, too?
    A. Oh no, I don’t want to end up like Hitler.        B. Oh no, I wish I could stop going to school right now!

These are just a handful of questions from the disturbing survey. Please do not be alarmed when your child asks you if they can quit school and go work in our town’s factories. This is exactly what this horrible man is trying to instill in our children. We here at the DCSD PTA are working as hard as we can to prevent this man from causing anymore distress to the psyches of our children.

Sincerely,
Krystine Markowitz

Your attempts to confuse and control our children will not be tolerated. But if you want to play, Mr. Hornsby, be forewarned that I wrote the book on this game.

-Krystine Markowitz

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