Dear Mr. Craig Patterson,
I am writing you today to inform you that you have been selected as a semi-finalist for Ivan and The Shark in the Morning’s DJ-For-A-Day contest! Your essay submission was one of thousands of entries, but one of only 10 chosen by staff here at 96.5 KSBB to head to the next round.
The official rules state that next, Ivan and The Shark will read each entry themselves and select a winner. However, in their typical “Lewd Crude Dude” fashion, Ivan and The Shark have decided to “shake things up.”
Therefore, you and the 10 semi-finalists will undergo a series of additional elimination rounds. The ultimate victor selected will sit in with Ivan and The Shark as a co-host for their popular morning show, and receive a cash prize of $10,000.
Assuming you would still like to participate, please reply back with your entry into the next challenge: a letter to Ivan and The Shark explaining the following (their exact words follow and I apologize for the language):
If you want to co-host with us for a day, PROVE IT! We need someone who isn’t afraid of telling it like it is: politics, boobs, farts…zero fucks must be given at all times. Don’t hold back, DICK!
Social Media Manager
Sharkbite Broadcasting, LLC