Dear Mr. Craig Patterson,
While I am sorry to hear of the hardships and of the pornography that you have had to endure from your nephew Benny, I am pleased to announce that it has saved you from this round of eliminations!
When I read your letter to Ivan and The Shark, they laughed themselves to tears. They then asked to see the envelope you sent your letter in and subscribed the return address listed to many additional pornographic magazines. Please be on the lookout for the following circulars in your mailbox:
- Sharkboobs Quarterly (an Ivan and The Shark publication)
The next round of eliminations is an “in-person” round. Ivan and The Shark have invited you to spend 15 minutes on their show this upcoming Monday to explain in vivid detail the methods to success behind constructing model airplanes. Please feel free to bring some finished examples with you to the studio. Arrive at 6:30am and ask for me at reception.
I am looking forward to meeting you in person, Mr. Patterson. You also seem like a very nice gentleman, so I will warn you that your clothing may get stained with pudding during the broadcast. I will see you on Monday.
Ivan and The Shark also wanted to answer the question in your previous letter. Ivan’s favorite book is Doctor Zhivago and The Shark’s is Sharkboobs Quarterly.
Social Media Manager
Sharkbite Broadcasting, LLC