The Open Road – Letter 3

Mr. Miller,

Dan has been asking me to call him Danny and trying to hug me frequently. I know that this is a sensitive situation because “Danny” is the Company’s Owner’s son, and his dad has a thing for firing people who disagree with him, but I really…REALLY do not want to be walking around calling him “Danny” while he’s reaching for a warm embrace. There’s just something about the way this guy operates that leads me to believe we’ll soon be the laughing stock of any truck stop we enter.

I mean, just today I was trying to talk to him about how lots of times truckers are tempted to run illegal. I was about to explain this by stating how due to the rules requiring that after 14 hours from your begin time on a given day, you need a 10 hour break no matter how many miles you’ve driven. Now you and I know this means that, more often than not, you’ve gotta bend the rules a bit in order to ensure your delivery gets there on time. But do you know what Dan asks me after I tell him truckers may have to run illegal?

“Did you know that the French Dog breed Dogue de Bordeaux was developed for pit fighting in the 15th century? Talk about illegal! Can you imagine that nowadays? Oh Em Gee.”

He then went on to explain that Dogue de Bordeaux was the breed of dog that Hooch was in Turner and Hooch. Are you kidding me?! TURNER AND HOOCH?! I made sure to go to a hotel with a DVD player tonight. We went to a nearby video store and rented Roadgames, quite possibly the best thriller flick with a trucker as the main character. I’m hoping the murderous suspense along with the hot Jamie Lee Curtis will help guide Dan(…ny) towards the right path.

This kid just seems to know way too much about ridiculous buddy comedies and not nearly enough about well, say TRUCKING for instance. But, I figured we’d start small and at least get him into better movies. To think “lighthearted buddy flicks,” as he put it, could be someone’s favorite movie genre is ridiculous. Is it even a genre? I mean, I’m all for stories about two tough guys in a tough situation (like Tango & Cash), but if it drifts into silliness you can count me out.

Anyway, back to business. Since I’m running legal with him (figured if I showed him the ropes, I’d show him right), we were at Birmingham, Alabama yesterday after 14 hours, and today we’re in Wichita, Kansas. I still have no idea why he wants to be a trucker. And I may hate him and the way he blabs on and on about useless facts from shitty movies, but I’ll train him best I can.

Let’s just hope it sticks.

Wish me luck, Alan.

– Eddie

The Open Road – Letter 1

Mr. Miller,

It’s been only 1 day driving with Dan and already I can’t stand him.

I know that the trucking company wanted to “show him the ropes” by having him travel with an obviously experienced trucker, such as myself, but it’s honestly excruciating to deal with him. There are so many ways in which this guy needs to shape up if he wants to ride in the big leagues.

I feel like I’m in some less action-packed, unfunny version of Tango & Cash. And I’m not even too sure which one I’d be in this scenario. I guess Cash, because I’m hoping Dan’s got a hot Teri Hatcher-esque sister I can get with. This is the idea that has got me through the day without strangling him.

Mr. Miller, you know that I have nothing but respect for you. You’ve always had my back, and I appreciate that. However, I’m not too sure how I’m going to make the trip from Miami to Seattle with this guy.

Consider this my first status letter. As discussed, I will be sending these frequently, reporting my progress towards Seattle, and my expert opinion on Dan’s progress. Dan is sitting quietly across from me at this truck stop, penning his letter to you. God only knows what his take on Day 1 is.

I’ll be writing to you soon. Take care, and wish me luck.

– Eddie