The Open Road – Letter 3

Mr. Miller,

Dan has been asking me to call him Danny and trying to hug me frequently. I know that this is a sensitive situation because “Danny” is the Company’s Owner’s son, and his dad has a thing for firing people who disagree with him, but I really…REALLY do not want to be walking around calling him “Danny” while he’s reaching for a warm embrace. There’s just something about the way this guy operates that leads me to believe we’ll soon be the laughing stock of any truck stop we enter.

I mean, just today I was trying to talk to him about how lots of times truckers are tempted to run illegal. I was about to explain this by stating how due to the rules requiring that after 14 hours from your begin time on a given day, you need a 10 hour break no matter how many miles you’ve driven. Now you and I know this means that, more often than not, you’ve gotta bend the rules a bit in order to ensure your delivery gets there on time. But do you know what Dan asks me after I tell him truckers may have to run illegal?

“Did you know that the French Dog breed Dogue de Bordeaux was developed for pit fighting in the 15th century? Talk about illegal! Can you imagine that nowadays? Oh Em Gee.”

He then went on to explain that Dogue de Bordeaux was the breed of dog that Hooch was in Turner and Hooch. Are you kidding me?! TURNER AND HOOCH?! I made sure to go to a hotel with a DVD player tonight. We went to a nearby video store and rented Roadgames, quite possibly the best thriller flick with a trucker as the main character. I’m hoping the murderous suspense along with the hot Jamie Lee Curtis will help guide Dan(…ny) towards the right path.

This kid just seems to know way too much about ridiculous buddy comedies and not nearly enough about well, say TRUCKING for instance. But, I figured we’d start small and at least get him into better movies. To think “lighthearted buddy flicks,” as he put it, could be someone’s favorite movie genre is ridiculous. Is it even a genre? I mean, I’m all for stories about two tough guys in a tough situation (like Tango & Cash), but if it drifts into silliness you can count me out.

Anyway, back to business. Since I’m running legal with him (figured if I showed him the ropes, I’d show him right), we were at Birmingham, Alabama yesterday after 14 hours, and today we’re in Wichita, Kansas. I still have no idea why he wants to be a trucker. And I may hate him and the way he blabs on and on about useless facts from shitty movies, but I’ll train him best I can.

Let’s just hope it sticks.

Wish me luck, Alan.

– Eddie

The Open Road – Letter 2

Mr. Miller,

I can’t thank you enough for pairing me up with Eddie for my first real cross-country trip. Eddie’s one of those real, no BS, tough-as-nails truckers who I know I can learn a lot from. A lot of people said it was a bad idea to send the Company’s owner’s son out on the road with none of the “proper training,” or “experience with trucks,” but Dad showed them by firing their asses. Now, it’s time for me to show them by making it through this trek without any incidents.

I can already tell Eddie and I are starting to become pretty close friends. If I had to compare us to any crime –fighting duo out of a 1989 action/comedy, I’d probably pick Turner and Hooch. I’d be Turner, of course, because of my handsomeness and boyish charm. Eddie would be Hooch because he’s difficult to pick up (I tried to when I gave him my “Pleased to meet you” hug) and he drools A LOT when he sleeps. He also mutters stuff about Teri Hatcher when he’s asleep, which is kind of odd.

Eddie doesn’t let me do much, which I kind of respect. He’s a lone wolf, the kind of guy who fends for himself and doesn’t ask anything from anybody. He doesn’t let me drive, do cargo checks, or speak. He comes off as a bit of a hard-ass, but deep down inside I know there’s a whipped-peanut-butter-filled center. Even now as he writes his letter to you, his eyes are all squinty and he’s furrowing his brow trying REALLY HARD not to misspell any words. It’s adorable.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on our adventure to the great North West and thanks again for this tremendous opportunity.